


5 times that autocorrect outed Steve + 1 time he did it himself

by mostlikelydefinentlymad



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Bisexual Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes Returns, Clintasha - Freeform, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Gay Bucky Barnes, M/M, No Angst, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Secret Relationship, Stucky - Freeform, Tony Being Tony, au where everyone is happen and no one is at war, author doesnt speak russian but google helped, blame google, someone turn autocorrect off on steve's phone, steve rogers doesn't like technology, the au where everyone gets along and no one is at war
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-21
Updated: 2016-03-21
Packaged: 2018-05-28 02:46:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6312316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mostlikelydefinentlymad/pseuds/mostlikelydefinentlymad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[what it says on the tin]</p>
            </blockquote>





	5 times that autocorrect outed Steve + 1 time he did it himself

[post Winter Soldier]

1\. Steve was half asleep the first time it happened, a slip of the finger.

The phone buzzed (Bucky must've put the damn thing on silent when Clint kept texting about getting together to play a board game or two because Nat didn't suffer from chronic insomnia and he knew good and well that Steve and Bucky did) and Steve groped the blanket then slipped a hand under his pillow only to come up short.

It buzzed once more and the noise came from underneath of a certain former assassin who was currently drooling on the edge of Steve's pillow.

"Buck, scoot over," Steve urged as he prodded at Bucky's ribs.

"Nnnghh," Bucky mumbled but didn't budge.

Steve tried again and attempted to roll him off of the phone but even in his sleep Bucky might as well be solid marble. Super serum could fix exhausted and aching muscles from certain two a.m. nocturnal activities but Steve, in his half asleep state, was in no shape to use what strength he had left.

"Buck, _move,_ " he grumbled under his breath.

When this didn't work he decided to play dirty. Despite the years, despite serum that had seeped into every inch of Bucky's body, despite everything there was at least one thing Steve could count on: the small of his back was ticklish.

He brushed his fingers along the bare skin and Bucky groaned and swatted at his hand before, at last, rolling over onto his stomach.

The message was from Tony - "How's everyone's favorite fossil this morning?"

He only texted or called whenever he wanted something. Five fifteen in the morning was too early to deal with his games.

"What dou want tony?," Steve replied.

The letters and numbers were blurry even as he rubbed his eyes with the heel of his hand and blinked against the brightness of the screen. He'd adjust it later when he'd had more than three hours of sleep.

"Nat wanted to know if you'd heard from Bucky. He was supposed to meet up with her yesterday, something about shampoo or maybe it was coffee. I don't know, didn't seem terribly important but he tends to skip right off the radar at times so."

Shampoo and coffee...the two weren't even remotely similar.

"Closet," Steve texted back.

"Everyone knows he's in the closet, Steve. Honestly it's no surprise but that still doesn't answer my question."

Steve had found Bucky in the closet sometime around midnight; he'd had a nightmare and ended up curled up in the corner. They'd sat together simply breathing one anothers air in an attempt to soothe Bucky and let him get his bearings. He needed to remember that whatever he'd witnessed in his nightmare wasn't real or at least not at the moment. Likely whatever  _it_ was had taken place prior to Steve stumbling upon him what felt like yesterday and ages ago at the same time.

"i fucked bucky in the closet," he sent.

He'd typed the word "found" and the phone (why it was referred to as a smart phone was unknown to him because, if anything, it caused more irritation than anything) had taken it upon itself to correct him.

Just as his eyes began to close once more, the phone buzzed.

"Congrats! America's oldest virgin has been debauched, wasn't sure if your equipment was still working."

Steve bolted upright in bed, nearly dropping the phone in the process.

" _FOUND_. nightmare," he texted back.

The phone vibrated - "Let me get this straight, wait no. Wrong term, you're not straight, sorry to break it to you. Back to the point: tell your boyfriend that it's still gay even if you do it in the closet. Oh and everyone already knows. We're all just waiting for confirmation. Even Carter knows and half the time she doesn't remember her own name."

Steve groaned and clutched the phone harder - "Tony. Point. Now."

Bucky shuffled closer, throwing an arm around Steve's waist in an attempt to get him to lay back down. Even in his sleep he tended to gravitate toward Steve. It had been that way since they were children and sleeping over at one anothers houses. After Steve and Sam had found Bucky it had taken over a year for him to feel comfortable enough with Steve that he'd share a bed with him or even a kiss for that matter. What a long and painful year _that_ had been.

"I'll, uh, tell her he's preoccupied ;)"

"TONY," Steve sent.

"TONY."

When it was clear that he wasn't going to reply, Steve sank back down into the covers and tossed the phone on the floor. He'd chalk it up to his phone being ignorant, it wasn't a lie even if Tony had partially guessed the truth.

 

2\. "Send me your location," Natasha texted.

They were at the tail end of a mission that had taken down two jets and just barely avoided civilian casualties. Steve and Bucky were camped out in an abandoned building with chipping paint and an industrial floor plan; likely it was an old factory that hadn't been in commission in decades. From their vantage point they could easily spot their target; a balding man in his mid 50's who'd been importing illegal weapons.

In the dark it was difficult to navigate the buttons and touchscreen.

"Buckys in position, my right. gspot."

"Too much information, Rogers. He can find your g-spot some other time, right now we need to apprehend this man. I need all eyes on him."

Bucky read the message over his shoulder and barely contained his laughter.

"This damn phone," Steve growled.

"On my right, good spot*. That's what I meant, for spotting the target," he sent back.

"Mmhmm. We'll talk foreplay later, tell Bucky I need him to take this guy down when I get to 3."

Bucky adjusted his aim on the target, shifted the gun higher.

"THREE," Natasha sent.

The man didn't even see it coming, he fell to the ground with the suitcase loaded with government weapons at his side.

Having completed their mission they were now free to go.

"Your g-spot, hmm? I thought I'd already found it," Bucky teased as he collected his gear.

"Shut up," Steve replied, playfully.

"Make me," Bucky countered and wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"You look like that Muppet when you do that. What was his name? Kermit?"

Bucky smirked - "He's a frog. He doesn't even _have_ eyebrows."

This earned him a shove as they left the room.

Sam had insisted that they (upon rolling his eyes when he found out that they didn't know what a Muppet was) educate themselves on the matter and Bucky had found it more entertaining than Steve had.

"You still look like him," Steve retorted.

Even when they were kids he was the worst at comebacks.

"I'm not even green."

"Could paint you green though. I've got just the right shade," Steve teased.

He'd taken up painting in between missions, in between taking Bucky apart in the sheets and falling asleep on his shoulder while they were watching Netflix.

After the autocorrect disaster with Tony, the others had stopped asking about Bucky's apartment (which was a damn good thing as he'd moved into Steve's place with his meager belongings months ago). Only Sam knew about it and he wasn't one to divulge secrets that weren't his.

"Green? No no no. _Brown_ ," Bucky replied.

The sun was beginning to peek out from behind gray clouds as they stepped up to the curb (as casual as one can be when they're packing a visible firearm even if said firearm is in a case) and waited for Natasha to pick them up - she'd called in reinforcements by now.

"Brown?," Steve asked, confused.

"Brown as in chocolate, edible."

Steve felt his face grow hot. It was ridiculous seeing as the line of friendship had been breached long before he'd lost Bucky to the war and again when he was mostly recovered but this was _Bucky._

"What'dyousay?," Bucky questioned, nudging Steve with his shoulder.

"Keep this up and everyone will find out," Steve countered.

He'd let Bucky cover his entire body with edible paint as many times as he wanted but now was certainly not the best time to be thinking of such matters, not when his pants were growing tighter at the very thought of stripping Bucky down and licking melted chocolate from his skin and it was taking every ounce of resistance he had not to shove him up against the outside of the building and give him an answer in the form of lips against his neck, hands inside of the back of Bucky's jeans.

"Later then," Bucky promised.

"I'm holding you to that," Steve grinned.

Who ever said missions mixing work and pleasure was a bad thing?

 

3\. "Found a shirt in the lounge, thought it might be yours or Bucky's," Pepper texted.

They'd intended on watching an episode of The IT Crowd (Bucky's idea, Steve didn't find it amusing or appealing at all), honestly. Somewhere in between Moss setting the office on fire and Jenn screeching about her mangled feet, Bucky's mouth had found its way in between Steve's legs and it played silently in the background as Bucky made obscene noises with his mouth; noises that would've got them caught back in the '40s.

"Could...could be im...portant," Steve moaned.

Because Bucky was an opportunist, he swirled his tongue along the tip even as he blindly grabbed at the phone.

Pepper.

"coloR?," Steve sent.

Not important, not important; his brain reminded him. Still it was Pepper and Bucky was quite fond of his t-shirts and wore them in layers. If he got hot he'd remove one and hadn't left any behind thus far. He didn't have much to call his own and so he held onto what he had.

"I'll check," she replied.

"minE iss white. bucks isgay," he texted back and the phone hit the floor with a soft thud.

Those _lips._

*

It wasn't until four hours later that he realized his blunder. Naturally Tony had got quite a laugh over the slipup and Steve couldn't even blame it on auto-correct this time.

"It's not _that_ funny, Tony. I meant gray," Steve corrected for the second time as Tony retold the story to Rhodey and the two of them gave one another a knowing look before busting out laughing.

Tony had pulled together a party for his closest friends for no reason other than he wanted everyone to get together without the pretense of saving the world. He'd lit the room with purple and soft yellow lighting and catchy songs played in the background as the others tipsily danced or played a game of pool.

"Gray, gay," Rhodey laughed.

It wasn't that they were homophobic. Tony happened to be one of the biggest contributors to LGBT+ charities and had letters streaming in through the mail that profusely thanked him for his generosity. It was simply that they knew and it was only a matter of time before Steve and Bucky finally stepped out of the closet. Call Tony crass if you want but he'd never purposely out them. He liked teasing, that was all.

Bucky rolled his eyes - "Isn't there a jet or something you're supposed to be setting fire to?"

"Flirting with me in public? You know how much I like it when you get all sarcastic," Tony teased and fluttered his eyelashes.

This caused Rhodey to start laughing once more until he was hiccuping. It wasn't even that funny but he was past the point of being tipsy despite informing Tony that "I'll have two drinks, tops. That's it."

Tony snagged him by the shirt just as he was dizzily heading straight into a chair - "Try not to lose any shirts in my lobby," he threw over his shoulder with a grin as he steered Rhodey toward the nearest coffee pot.

"For the record it wasn't _my_ shirt this time," Bucky said after they'd left.

"No but it was your idea to take mine off. I told you it was too risky."

Risky? Yes. Worth it? Absolutely.

"I'll make it up to you, how about that?," Bucky suggested as he skimmed a hand over Steve's hip.

He seemed to have a thing for touching in public, perhaps it was a hangup from the days where an arm around the shoulder was pushing it at best and he was making up for lost time.

They left the party a full hour before everyone else without so much as a goodbye.

 

4\. Steve Rogers was the worlds biggest sap who was forever insisting on the opposite being true, everyone knew this. And he had a soft spot for animals, hadn't met one that he wasn't smitten with within seconds.

He hadn't been able to sleep one morning and Bucky had bristled at the idea of leaving their warm bed (and the covers he'd hogged) so he'd taken a taxi to the nearest shelter. He'd contemplated the idea of adopting a puppy before but with their weird schedules and never knowing when creatures from another realm might drop out of the sky and demand their time...well, it wasn't the best of ideas.

Her name was Karen which was an odd name for a dog but Steve was quite taken with the chihuahua. She was very old in dog years and it showed in the brown rings under her eyes and thin patchy fur. An old dog for two old supersoldiers, it was meant to be.

He pulled out his phone and absently texted - "I want a pussy."

First off he thought he'd been texting Bucky.

Second off, he meant _puppy._ Puppy, dog; same thing.

"Is this your way of finally coming out?," Clint replied.

Steve stepped back from the dog who whimpered and protested slightly, and glared at the phone for betraying him once more.

"PUPPY. I meant puppy. Wait...you think I'm gay?"

"Gay? Mmm no."

"No?," Steve asked.

"Bisexual maybe but gay? Probably not. Anyways...mazel tov on the puppy and tell Bucky that he's not getting out of movie night tomorrow. Nat picked a good one this time, has Christian Bale in it."

The dog barked and Steve resisted the urge to toss the retched phone into the nearest trash can.

 

They named her Shchenok which was Bucky's idea though upon finding out that it was simply "puppy" in Russian Steve had tried to talk him into a better name.

"You got to pick her out, _I_ get to name her," Bucky had insisted.

At least something good came of his blunder and Shchenok didn't seem to mind as she curled up on Bucky's lap and licked his fingers.

 

5\. "I'll see you in about two hours," Sam texted.

He'd been out of town for a week, a solo vacation he'd called it. He'd turned off his phone and left his laptop at home, hadn't told anyone where he was going & informed them that the world could save itself without Sam Wilson and his wings for at least a week.

Steve glanced at the phone and stirred the eggs he was trying to fry (they were coming off more like scrambled) until it buzzed again.

"I see how you are, man. Didn't even notice I was gone."

He had, of course he had. Sam was the left side of the triangle he and Bucky formed, a vital part of their friendship.

"Did too, I'll see your boner."

Dammit.

"booner."

He tried again.

"Bucks boner."

Sam was probably laughing his ass off on the other end, getting amusement at Steve's inability to navigate one tiny phone.

"Boner."

"can't cock right now, this phone."

Oh. That was even worse.

"god boner!"

Sam finally replied back - "Sorry man, I'm not _that_ excited to see you but I'm sure Bucky wouldn't mind playing show & tell with you."

"SAM."

"Fine, fine. I'll be there in a little bit. Put a sock on your door or something so I'll know not to knock if I _arrive_ at a bad time."

Arrive, sly. Very sly.

Steve didn't intend on arriving anywhere. Well not until Bucky was home from the gym at least.

 

5\. They were in a meeting when it happened again only this time it was Bucky's phone that slipped up. He was supposed to be paying attention but the director who'd taken Fury's place continued to drone on and on about safety hazards and "if you absolutely MUST steal someones steering wheel to stop them then at least make sure they're not near any other vehicles so as to prevent an unnecessary collision."

Bucky placed the phone on his lap under the table and held it at an angle that allowed him to mostly see what he was typing.

"Steve and I are going to divorce next month," he sent and Tony's phone vibrated in his pocket.

He stared at it in confusion upon reading the message.

" :( America's longest marriage is finally coming to an end? What happened? Steve hogged the covers? Finished off the last bowl of Raisin Bran? Renamed the dog?" 

The director launched into a rambling tirade about explosions and collateral damage which Steve took very seriously.

Bucky shot Tony a glare and pecked out a quick message - "Disney. We're going to divorce Disney."

Tony leaned back in his chair and put a hand over his mouth to stifle a laugh - "Wasn't aware that the two of you were into polyamory. Tell me, did you know Walt Disney personally?"

Bucky huffed and carefully replied - "We are going to Disney next month."

Tony smirked and clicked his phone off.

Married?

Well Tony might have a point there, they'd been acting like a married couple since they were teenagers. Bucky would give him that much at least.

The rest of the meeting dragged out painfully slow and Bucky blocked it all out, imagined taking Steve on the ferris wheel and whatever terrifying roller coasters they had these days. He could handle it better now than he could in the '40s and perhaps he wouldn't lose his lunch this time.

 

**\+ 1**

"We should tell them," Bucky murmured as he pressed kisses along Steve's collarbone.

"Hmm?"

"About us," Bucky clarified.

"I'm pretty sure they've already figured it out, Buck."

Bucky nipped at the junction between Steve's shoulder and neck - "I want to make it official though, get it out in the open."

"If it gets you to stop talking then okay," Steve replied as he leaned down and took Bucky's lower lip between his own and gently sucked which caused Bucky to moan.

"Later," Bucky mumbled as he pushed Steve down onto their couch and ground his hips against Steve's.

*

GROUP MESSAGE: "Bucky & I are together, a couple, dating."

"Don't you think that's overkill?," Bucky asked as he pulled on a shirt.

"Not really. Sometimes you have to make it obvious for them to notice."

Natasha texted back - "Barton you owe me $50."

Tony replied - "Are we not going with blaming autocorrect this time? Because I was enjoying that, anyone else? You know you were. It was the closet thing, wasn't it? I was right."

Steve groaned and buried his head in the couch cushion.

"What closet?," Bruce asked. He was forever out of the loop as he spent most of his time on a floor that Tony liked to affectionately call "Green Level." It housed a lab and all of the essential equipment, numerous fire extinguishers and Bruce's living facilities.

"It's a metaphor for coming out of the closet," Sam explained.

Steve mumbled to himself aloud as if the others could actually hear him, "He was literally in the closet. It's not that hard to understand."

Bucky read the messages over his shoulder - "Who was in the closet?"

"They're an item," Pepper added.

"Oh okay. Congratulations!," Bruce replied.

"I know you're reading this, Barnes. Just because you and Steve have finally decided to admit this it doesn't mean you can use him as an excuse to skip out on me," Clint sent.

The two of them had been trading tips and skills, practicing on targets, dodging bullets and arrows. Bucky was running out of excuses for getting out of the early mornings that Clint insisted upon. There was something off about people who actually enjoyed getting up early in the morning, it wasn't right.

"I wouldn't have to get creative with them if you'd compromise on noon at least," Bucky replied.

Pepper interrupted their banter - "Tony and I are very happy for the two of you. I knew you'd come around when you were ready."

Tony took that as a cue to chime in - "She said it wouldn't happen this year."

"I called it the week after Barnes returned," Natasha bragged.

"She did," Clint confirmed.

Sam had one over all of them - "Man, I called it before we even _found_ Bucky."

"Still think this was a good idea?," Steve asked but if Bucky had any regrets, he didn't show them. In fact he was grinning as hard as he could, blue eyes shining like they used to before the war changed everything.

It was worth it.

"Finally getting to call you mine after all this time? Sure do."

Steve put the phone on vibrate mode and stuffed it under the couch cushions before dragging Bucky to the bedroom. The metaphorical cat was out of the bag and that bastard of a phone could wait.

**Author's Note:**

> credit to some actual autocorrect posts that google pulled up, I altered some of them
> 
> I love the idea of these two thinking they're being sly but everyone knows. Also Steve likes technology and he's not a dinosaur from the stone age but cell phones still get under his skin especially since no one will tell him if there's an option to turn off autocorrect or how.
> 
> Also I just really love the IT Crowd okay? Don't judge [whispers]: go watch it.


End file.
